Friday, March 6, 2009
The confidential letters between intimate husband and wife
To My Dear Wife,You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.'
John,When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students, who is also on the tennis team. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, who is 18 years old.As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow
Friday, February 27, 2009
Interesting & Meaningful Equations
Equation 1
Humans = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore:Humans = Donkeys + Work + enjoy
Therefore:Humans - enjoy = Donkeys + Work
In other words,Humans that don't enjoy = Donkeys that work.
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++ ++
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore:Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore: Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words: Men who do not earn money = Donkeys
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++++! +++++ +
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore:Women = Donkeys + spend
Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words,Women who do not spend = Donkeys
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
To Conclude:From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend
So Men earn money not to let women become donkeys!
And women spend not to let men become donkeys!
So, We have:Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + Spend money
Therefore we can conclude
Men + Women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Calculator Malfunction in Windows
Try this!! this is actually true........
The Greatest Invention of the last Century - the Microsoft's Calculator have Failed in the following calculation.
Go to calculator or Start in your system-->Run--> type Calc. and Check the following... .
2704/50 = 54.08 Works Fine
2704/51 = 53.01960784 Works Fine
2704/52 = try yourself Doesn't Work
2704/53 = 51.01886792 Works Fine
2704/54 = 50.07407407 Works Fine
Microsoft's Calculator Failed to calculate !!!
Can somebody explain why ?
Try it ....it's a surprise
Honest Answers in interview may be like this
like this
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me
now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any
specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4.What would you do if we hire you?
Well, it depends on my mindset but I will try to work on whatever is
allotted to me.
5.What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of
the fate of company.
6.What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learn that I need to jump to get more money,
so I am here today!
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?
I could demand more and stay there.
9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a
change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome
that.
10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job... more
money
11.What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2
yrs
13.Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your
website
14.What is the salary expected and how do u justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra
than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I know you
will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current
salary by 30%).
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Valentine
Go out to a nice restaurant or create a special dinner. Cuddle with your significant other on a couch and watch a movie. Try to avoid distractions, such as surfing the internet, chatting on the phone while around people, or deciding to do other things by yourself or with another group of people.
Make a homemade card for someone.
The card will have more meaning to it if it's created by you instead of buying a card from a store. Use your own words to describe the person you're giving it to. Create a poem or a note of appreciation. Add a little "copyrighted" symbol on the back of the card for fun.
Think of candy, chocolate, and sweets. If you are getting something for a school classmate, get a small box of those sugary hearts with the little sayings on them. If you wish, you can make a chocolate recipe along with someone else on Valentine's Day.
Express your words with a rose[2]. While lavender (or purple) are seen more on first dates and secret "love at first sight" times, white roses are a tradition for weddings. Pink, orange, and yellow roses are viewed as admiration, excitement, and friendship respectably. The yellow and pink are very similar and can be used for the same events. Finally, the red rose, as the color expresses and emphasizes beauty and love. Red roses are traditionally exchanged by couples and people whom wish to express their feelings towards another.
Enjoy Valentine's Day alone.
Who says that people need a companion for this one day of the year? Treat yourself to a spa or a long bubble bath. Take a long drive and enjoy the scenery. If it's too snowy or iced down, stay in and watch sports games or that romantic movie on cable.
Friday, February 13, 2009
An ingenius way to reduce accidents
I KNOW....YOU SMILED.
YEAH, YOU SMILED AGAIN.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Love letter - a bit professional
To
Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M
Sub: Offer of love!
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the
14th of October (Saturday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500
hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and
depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.
Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job
training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from
lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared
equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a
larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense
account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter,
failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I
shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do
not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Life is tough at school especially when u r a stupid
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, touched his finger in the mouth of the dead pig, withdrew it and put his Finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns putting their finger in the mouth of the dead pig and tasted in their mouth.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second most important quality is observation. I touched with my middle Finger and tasted on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention…
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Nursery rhymes post satyam fiasco
Raju Raju had a great fall
Balance sheet died
Shareholders cried
Raju Raju made a fraud
2. Raju Raju
Yes baba
Cheating us
No baba
Telling Lies
No baba
Open the balance sheet
HA HA HA
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Pakistan's denial
Ok kind of........
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so
for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
'It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your whipping.'
The German was first in line; he thought for a while and then said:
'Please tie a pillow to my back.'
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had
to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.'
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was
also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the
Sheikh turned to him and said:
'You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!'
'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,' Sardar replied.
'In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me
not 20, but 100 lashes.'
'Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave.' The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.' And what is your
second wish?' the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, 'Tie the Pakistani to my back' !!!
'SINGH IS KING'
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The Convinient Resolution
Scared the shit out of me.
So that's it! and that's it............
After today, no more reading.
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.